Walking my puppy at close to midnight, through the streets of the village I lived in with a ‘boy’ I had rebounded to after the breakdown of my long term relationship was one of the lowest points of my life.

As I walked through those streets I remember realising that unless I broke away, I would never not be scared he would come back to the house and, well, who knows what.

I didn’t know him. Though we’d been together 18 months.

He’d cheated on me, bare face lied to me, accused me of all sorts and still I had gone back, not only that, I agreed we moved in together and I would be the bread winner.

The moment I found out that the lies were reappearing, on a catastrophic level, I remember actually having to check with a friend that this “wasn’t right”

I’d lost my way, completely.

After years of wishing and hoping in one relationship, I fell into the arms of the first person that showed me attention.

My self love was non existent.

My self respect even lower.

Everyone around me could see the danger I was in, and still I had ploughed forward.

Returning back to the house that night, I walked toward the front door with my key in my hand. But I didn’t open the door, I locked it, quietly before scooting back up the path to my car where I’d left my little dog waiting for me.

My thought process was if I locked the door it would take him that bit longer to get out of the house and come after me.

I was scared.

I was lost.

I had absolutely no idea what happened next.

But I chose me that night.

Chose my sanity and my life.

Of that I am certain.

It wasn’t the end of it, there were months of termoil that followed but it was the beginning of an understanding that I had been walking a very rocky road, that wasn’t meant for me.

My soul was screaming at me to choose me.

I had absolutely no idea what would happen next.

Ultimately of course, it was one of the best decisions of my life.

If you’re in that place.

If your soul is screaming at you.

Listen.

Reach your hand out and ask for help.

I was and will always be blessed by the love and support of some very dear friends.

There is someone there for you too.

You just have to ask.

Don’t go it alone and don’t stay where your soul is screaming “no”

Choose you.

I promise you when you do your life will be more than you might ever imagine.